Becoming Mrs Morrison: Match.com & my 2nd 1st date

by | Mar 9, 2020 | Cultivating Community

So… some of you may know the story already, but for those who don’t, this is the story of how I went from being ‘serenely single’ in March 2017 to becoming Mrs Morrison in March 2018.

My formula: trust God & wait well, know yourself, and surround yourself with faith-fuelled advice. 

Fast Friends


It all started with me almost falling out with a close friend over the fact that she desperately wanted to create a Match.com account for me a couple of days before Valentine’s Day 2017.
The reasons we almost fell out:

1. I had already tried online dating for about a year and a half with disappointing results

2. I was finally feeling serenely single and did not want to upset my serenity

3. I had just started my counselling qualification and did not think I’d have time for anyone between full-time work, church ministry, part-time study and general life

4. It was obviously close enough to Valentine’s Day that I did not want to come across as the desperate girl looking for a Vday date – I had already spent 28 Vdays on my own without a problem, I didn’t need fake or rushed company on my 29th.

Anyway, my friend created the account as she knew all the details she needed. Suddenly, the control freak side of me kicked in knowing the one thing worse than having another online dating account was having an online dating account about me, but not run by me.
So I took the reins and went about editing my profile and perusing my filtered options.

Very quickly I thought maybe this was God talking through my friend as I almost immediately found a guy who was Christian, German, an architect (my dream guy’s ideal job at the time), brown haired, green eyed, tall etc. etc. The only ‘not-ideal’ for me was that I was a little older than him, but at this stage I was becoming less precious about ‘surface’ selection criteria and more excited with my friends about finding someone interesting.

So I happily sent Mr German Architect and a few others a wink only to never hear back from any of them.

 

Fast Month


A little over a week after I had joined Match, I decided not to get depressed about the completely unsuitable or inappropriate messages I was receiving, nor squander my time and money but instead look around again.

This time I also sent a wink to a handsome, London-based, chocolate guy I’d seen when I first joined. I avoided him at first because his display name was a moniker rather than his real name and at the time my friends and I just rolled our eyes and skipped his profile. I also wasn’t really looking for a long-distance relationship (Leicester and London are over 100 miles apart).
But when he came up as a match following some personality test I completed, I decided to take the time to read his profile: a medical doctor but doing something in IT instead, loves cooking, plays the violin, travels, and above all a Christian – why was this guy still on here?

He started a conversation and I quickly thought: “this isn’t going anywhere” – he spoke excitedly about his work, but I didn’t feel like he was asking me many questions (coming to think of it, this happened with others too, so maybe my profile was too thorough 🤦🏾‍♀️).
Worse, his responses to my questions to him were taking days, something I wasn’t used to in the fast-paced world of online dating and everyday life.

So I lost interest, to the point I didn’t even tell him that I was going on a pre-planned social media fast for all of March. Instead, I just stopped talking or even visiting Match from March 1st.

 

Breaking Fast, First Impressions & First Date


With my fast over, I remembered I was paying for a dating site I wasn’t using, so I decided to check my Match profile. Mr Too-slow-to-respond had messaged me about 2 weeks previously saying he’d enjoyed our conversations and asking if I was still on Match.

I remember speaking to my housemate about his messages saying I’d give him one more chance to talk, and if he was as slow in his responses as before or not conversing better, I’d just cut him off.
So I got back to him and he asked for my number so we could message via Whatsapp. 

I remember the day was a Tuesday, I was getting ready to go to my evening counselling class.
Mr Too-slow-to-respond became Mr Instant Messenger and we ended up spending more than an hour messaging back and forth until I got to my class.
Then after class we spent another hour or so messaging until it was time to call it a night.

We soon got to the topic of having a 1st date asap as we both wanted to make sure we were not wasting each other’s time, or even catfishing each other. The date was set for Good Friday 2017, as I would be down in London, from my home in Leicester, to visit family for the Easter break.

The day arrived and I was super nervous making my way to our meeting point in an outfit I had chosen with another friend of mine. It was just the right amount of ‘attractive/but not too sexy’ for a sophisticated Christian woman.

First impressions – we were the same height with me in heels which I initially registered as a disappointment having lived around 6 foot + guys my entire life. But weirdly enough that then made me feel more confident going into my 2nd ever ‘First Date’.  This is because I didn’t feel giddy or swept off my feet which had been a concern for me. I thought because I had not done this dating thing often, I might get embarrassed and called out on my naivety or worse, charmed into who knows what. Him not immediately making me feel sprung was a good thing for me.

We had a great date. It was much better than my 1st ‘First Date’, where Mr Slow-Your-Roll insisted on me trying Port wine when I’d expressly said no and then tried to hold my hand through town when we’d literally just met.

With Mr Instant Messenger it was relaxed and very entertaining and we ended up spending five hours at the restaurant. We shared a lovely medium cooked steak (a first for me, it was sooooo good) and talked about the Marvel universe, our lives and the world.

The only thing we didn’t go into much was our faith – which is why I left the evening thinking we could definitely be good friends. But I needed to ask some pertinent questions about faith before I could consider him as more than a friend. These questions ended up being my infamous 21 Questions.

Yes, I was inspired by the 50 Cent song and no, I’m not that embarrassed by it all anymore. 
To find out what happened next with Mr Instant Messenger, read Part 2.

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