Serenely Single

by | Mar 13, 2017 | Cultivating Community

“Hi, I’m Vanetta, I’m 29 and my life could be the perfect story for
‘Never Been Kissed 2’”

Have you ever seen that 1999 cheesy rom-com ‘Never Been Kissed’ with Drew Barrymore?
It’s the story of a 25 year old copy editor, who has never been in a serious relationship and, as
the title suggests, has never been kissed, going undercover in a high school to report on teen

I vividly remember watching it on telly, in my late teens, identifying with the main character’s lack of relationships (or kissing for that matter), yet very sure that before I turned 25, I would have a different story to tell – one of blissful marriage and awesome children on the imminent horizon.

Fast forward to 2017:
“Hi, I’m Vanetta, I’m 29 and my life could be the perfect story for ‘Never Been Kissed 2’”

In case you’re wondering:
No, I’m not asexual, ‘disfigured’, mentally unstable, difficult or whatever you might be
thinking is a plausible explanation right now.
I’d say I’m pretty ‘normal’ – whatever that means – and there are other, real people to back
that up ☺
And yes, I still want to be in a relationship, I want to get and stay married, I want to have my
own family. Yet, currently, I’m not and never have.
Instead, especially ever since I turned 25, I have been and I continue learning year after year
(at times, impatiently) to be what I call ‘serenely single’, until God sees it fit for me to be
‘serenely married’, ‘serenely parent’ etc.

What do I mean by ‘Serenely Single’?
It is an attitude of the heart, a snapshot of the soul, the willingness of my mind to joyfully
accept the status quo of my singleness and get on with living an inspiring, satisfied and
adventurous life.
To be serene is to be content, at peace, to be calm, to be undisturbed, easy going. But in a
world that places so much emphasis on our relationship status/experiences, having nothing
(and I seriously mean nothing, nada, niente, nichts) to report and still being content, is
counter-cultural; dare I say revolutionary.
It takes guts to be different, to set a different standard over your life, and to let faith lead you,
instead of your feelings.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying being/staying single makes people superior,
neither does being married, or any status in between.

In fact, what I’m ultimately saying has little to do with our human relationship statuses or
lack thereof, and lots to do with our view of and relationship with God.
When we fully trust God’s sovereign will for our lives and that He is a good, good Father,
then we can be serenely anything – rich, poor, healthy, ill, single, married, serving, leading –
Because our serenity is not dependent on our circumstances, but our God, and He
never changes. This serenity is what Paul meant when he famously said: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). It isn’t just meant as an empowerment ”Yes, we can” mantra; it is primarily meant to be a consolation to endure, in spite of the dire situation. If you don’t believe me, read the whole context…

Whether I am single for another 25 years (“Jesus…please, no”) or get married before I turn 30 (8 months to go), or never marry, I ultimately trust that whatever God has in store for me, will always be better than what I have planned.
So, I seek to embrace every season with serenity.